Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
