So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
