why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize