Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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