party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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