You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
