My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
