Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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