when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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