There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
