On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize