Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
