if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
