Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
