did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
