I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
