if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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