no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
