Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
