as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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