I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
