I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
