The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
