Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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