You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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