What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
