Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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