Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Did you just see the Batmobile???
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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