You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
