Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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