Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
