If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
