your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
