just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
