She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
