Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
