theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
