He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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