White coat. Heels.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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