We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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