chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
