you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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