Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
accomplished twins. life is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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