if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
