no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
