WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
