I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
