Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
