is your mom at the bar?
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
