She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
