hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
