I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
