Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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