It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
