Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
