Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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