I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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