you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
