There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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