I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
