your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
