Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
