i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
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Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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