My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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