Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
