break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
