Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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