Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
