Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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