To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
not ubering you a puppy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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