Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
