I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
