Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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