I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
