This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
