What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
