does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
