Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
