Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
