4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
